Sunday, 12 September 2010

The Dead Tide

SITTING here, about three weeks to go until Convention day, I am in a strange mood.

A friend of mine once said to me that we are tied to the memories of the past and that over a period of time we process things. Part of this is how we diffuse past trauma through the on coming wake of life.

I must be going through something like this at the moment. I feel quite distracted. Panicked, even. I know why this is happening. Two years ago, I was in Seattle. What a huge trip that was and how terribly burned I was when I came back from it all. I was in a relationship that collapsed and all these things that I had been building my life up on for months disintegrated in a matter of days.

It really was the most traumatic of experiences. I am slap bang in the middle of the second anniversary of this fall. So, I found this time of year, last year tough and at the moment I seem to be going through a relapse.

The timing is appalling, as right now I need to working on all things Who Convention orientated. It seems to be stripping me of my confidence, just as I need to be on top form.

If I remember correctly, this time last year I performed my mini opera in London's Regent's Park to close the Treehouse Gallery.

So, I am little sketchy at the moment. I just need a little bit of Rocky style tenacity to make it through the next few weeks and the fortitude to dig a bit deeper in the discipline stakes at the moment.

Its tricky. Very tricky. I have stuck my neck out with this whole thing. It was never going to be easy but it gets harder when my head gets clouded. This seems to happen every few months. I have to question what it is that I am actually doing with my life and find out how I get to where I really want to get to. I absolutely detest mediocrity, particularly in myself.

Anyway, here goes...we are approaching the line.

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